We live in a narrow house not far from the naval base in Norfolk. It is the kind of place where space is tight and schedules matter. My husband is active duty, and deployments are part of our life. When he leaves, everything at home depends on routine. We plan meals, bedtime, school mornings, and weekends carefully because structure is what keeps things from falling apart.
Our daughter Keisha made routines feel impossible for a long time.
Keisha was diagnosed with autism when she was five. She used short phrases and often relied more on her body than her words to communicate. When she was calm, she loved movement. When she was overwhelmed, that same need for movement came out in ways that scared me. Change was hard for her. Unexpected noise, transitions, or separation could send her into panic very quickly.
When my husband deployed last year, things got worse almost overnight. Keisha did not understand where her dad was going or why he could not come home at night. She knew something was wrong and she felt it in her whole body. She started throwing objects when she was overwhelmed. She screamed when she could not calm herself down. She hit when she felt trapped or afraid. I worried constantly about safety, especially when I was home alone with her.
I tried to manage it on my own at first. I told myself I just needed to be stronger or more patient. But the truth was that I was exhausted. I was not sleeping. I was always on edge, waiting for the next outburst. I loved my daughter deeply, but I felt unprepared to help her through what she was feeling.
A military family liaison noticed how much I was struggling and suggested we look into ABA therapy through Kinfolk ABA. I was unsure at first. I had heard mixed things about ABA and worried it might be too rigid or not sensitive to what our family was dealing with. Still, I knew we needed support, and I agreed to an evaluation.
From the beginning, our BCBA, Denise, approached Keisha with understanding rather than judgment. She did not see Keisha as a child with behavior problems. She saw a child who was overwhelmed and missing skills. Denise explained that Keisha’s aggression was a form of communication. She was not trying to hurt anyone. She was trying to release fear and confusion without having the tools to do it safely.
That shift in perspective mattered more than I expected. It helped me stop seeing every incident as a failure and start seeing patterns instead.
Denise paired us with an RBT named Malik, and his first priority was building a relationship with Keisha. He did not come in making demands or trying to correct her right away. He spent time playing with her, moving with her, and meeting her where she was. He mirrored her movements and joined her in activities that helped her regulate. Slowly, Keisha began to trust him.
Once that trust was there, Malik started teaching replacement behaviors in a way that felt manageable. Instead of hitting, Keisha learned to push her hands into a pillow. Instead of throwing objects, she learned to stomp her feet or pace in a safe space. These were not perfect solutions, but they gave her options when her emotions felt too big.
Progress was not steady. Some weeks were better than others. There were days when I felt like we were back at the beginning. Malik stayed consistent, even when I was tired and discouraged. He coached me through how to respond calmly and follow through, even when my instinct was to give up just to get through the moment.
Denise adjusted Keisha’s plan when my husband’s deployment timeline changed. She understood how unpredictable military life can be and did not expect us to fit into a rigid schedule. That flexibility made it easier to stick with therapy instead of feeling like we were constantly behind.
Over time, Keisha started to show us when she was getting overwhelmed instead of exploding without warning. She used picture cards to tell me she missed her dad. She pointed to feelings she could not say out loud. She accepted comfort more often and did not push me away as much when she was upset. Our home was still loud sometimes, but it felt safer.
When my husband finally came home, I worried about how Keisha would handle the transition. In the past, reunions had been intense and confusing for her. This time, she ran to him without aggression or fear. She was emotional, but she stayed regulated. That moment made everything we worked on feel real.
ABA therapy did not make deployment easy. It did not take away the sadness or the stress. What it did was give Keisha tools to cope with feelings that once overwhelmed her. It gave me the confidence to handle hard days without panic. Most of all, it helped our family feel like we could face future deployments without falling apart.
We still rely on routine. We still have hard moments. But now we have support, strategies, and a better understanding of our daughter. That has made all the difference.
If you are ready to see change take shape for your child, Kinfolk ABA supports Norfolk families every step of the way. Unlock your family’s success story by contacting Kinfolk ABA at Norfolk
